InsaneJournal

Letters [Ashe/Penelo]
Frustrated!Ashe is surprisingly easy to write when I'm in a bad mood.

Fandom: Final Fantasy XII
Title: Letters
Author: wei_jiangling
Theme(s): Lyrics 02. How could you leave me, when I needed to possess you?
Pairing/Characters: Ashe/Penelo
Rating: T
Disclaimer/claimer: I don't own FFXII, or its characters.
Critiques: Yes
Summary: Ashe writes letters to Penelo.
Wordcount: 944

It was on days like this, on the rare occasions that the Rabanastrian sky was grey and rain fell in torrents to the ground, that Ashe was glad to be in the comfort of the palace. It was also on days like this where she longed to be away, to find old faces and old adventures, and to be anywhere else but cooped up in a too ornate bed chamber by herself. She always thought that maybe she could just run out into the streets and just be someone else for a day, be the Ashe that wandered the entire countryside on foot hoping to find her lost kingdom, the one that hadn't returned here yet, and maybe, just maybe, she would run across... no, she told herself, that would be a horrible idea. Rising from her bed, she glanced out the window, streaked with rain. She hated getting wet. A frustrated frown made its way across her features.

It was on days like this that her thoughts always drifted to a certain person. A certain girl, only two years less than her in age, but one would think so much younger. Ashe knew it was because she herself seemed older than she should be. Now, only twenty-one, she felt middle aged, the good part of her life left far behind her, only more monotonous drudgery to come. She took the time to bury a fist in her recently abandoned pillow before crossing the room, sitting at her desk and finding a pen and paper. She wouldn't wander the streets trying to find Penelo, but she would sort out her thoughts and add to a growing collection of letters never sent. With a quiet breath that fell somewhere between a huff and a sigh, she began to write.

Do you remember when we first touched, Penelo? It was on a day like this, the sky full of clouds and the air milky with pouring rain. Do you remember? I had wandered off, wanting to be alone, and had been caught without shelter. You followed, despite my wishes. When you found me, I was sopping wet, and you looked at me, not sure if my face was covered with rain or tears. I still won't tell.

I remember your eyes, Penelo. I remember the concern in them. I remember how it felt when your fingers brushed the droplets from my cheeks. I remember all of this, Penelo. Do you? Do you remember caring about me? Do you remember that moment that made me love you? Or was it all just a normal day to you?

No, now that I think on it, I'm sure it was. You're a person who cares, Penelo. Not just for me. You're there to wipe away everyone's tears, and whatever i meant to me, I sure that you've forgotten.

Staring at the paper, she took in the words she had written and frowned again. Nothing but a pointless memory, long lost in the sands of time. With a grimace, she crumpled the page and grabbed one anew, set on writing something more meaningful this time.

You always surprised me, Penelo. You always saw through any mask I put up, found what I was thinking and what I needed to hear. You were always there for me. When I needed someone to hold me, you did. When I needed someone to give me advice, you did. When I needed to cry, you were there to lend a shoulder. Do you know how much that meant? To have someone I could trust...

And for a time, I was convinced I meant something to you. You made me feel special, Penelo, and not for my heritage or my position. You made me feel like myself, like someone who was loved and appreciated. I miss you terribly, Penelo. I always will.

She thought a moment, and crumpled that one as well. It was too complacent, too kind for someone who had gone on her own way long ago without so much as a visit or two. A surge of anger washed over Ashe, and she began to write again, furiously.

Where are you, Penelo? Where have you been all this time? What have you been doing that made you so busy you couldn't even come to see me? Is it Vaan that shares your bed these days? How about Balthier? I saw the way you looked at him, even when we were together, I saw. Don't pretend. I never meant as much to you as you lead me to believe. I fooled myself like a silly girl. If I had meant anything to you, you wouldn't have left me.

I needed you, and you left me. Didn't you realize? Didn't you know you're the only thing that kept me sane, and now you've left me to insanity?

Have you forgotten those days we spent together, where you were there for me whenever I needed you? Have you forgotten how much I thought you would always be with me? Have you forgotten how much it would hurt me for you to abandon me like this? If right now you're rotting in a dungeon with your sky pirate friends, it serves you right. You could have stayed with me. You could have lived in the palace. You could have had a comfortable life and you could have been with me forever. You chose not to do that. Do you ever regret it the way I regret letting you go?

You were mine once, Penelo. You were mine..."